Enter your zip code and look for meet-up groups in your area on various topics. If there are no paranormal meet-up groups in your area you can start one!
This site provides information as well as a message board. Obviously this is the one I am most familiar with, and since the members of PRS regularly read and respond to posts, it is a great place to get accurate information as well as support from others.
This site is dedicated to allowing people to share their experiences and to receive support from others. Do a search for paranormal and those threads will come up.
This is the TAPS website which has many informational articles by TAPS members and a message board; you can also search for paranormal groups in your area, which are TAPS family members.
to ensure that you find a therapist who is credible.
Please feel free to e-mail me at jlhcounselor@gmail.com if you have any questions or suggestions.
As a supplement to this article, I would recommend reading my previous entries: Helping Clients to Feel at Ease from Your First Contact to the Last and Client Interview Techniques as a refresher on building trust and rapport. Without this, or even with it, many clients will not admit in their interviews to using or abusing substances because denial is part of the disease of addiction. Even if they are not abusing drugs per say, their normal use may be causing adverse side effects that they are not even aware of and you increase your chances of getting complete and accurate information from them if you are able to make them feel safe in sharing things with you.
Below is a list of the basic types of drugs and common side effects that you’ll want to consider as possibly affecting their reports of paranormal activity. The information about these drugs was taken from Shaw, Ritvo & Irvine (2005):
MARIJUANA (THC)
Marijuana has a low potential for physical addiction, but can become psychologically addicting. Some people who abuse it may feel that they need it to relax and can cause lethargy and lack of motivation. When under the influence, people may hallucinate, since sometimes the THC is mixed with other hallucinogenic drugs, so you want to build a rapport with clients so they will feel safe enough to tell you if they are using marijuana, since their drug-induced hallucinations may be the cause of their reported paranormal experiences.
SEDATIVES AND TRANQUILIZERS
Alcohol has a very high addiction potential, and when under the influence people experience memory loss, physical impairment, confusion, disorientation and can even lead to coma or respiratory shutdown. Alcohol is one of the most addictive drugs, and therefore people who are facing an alcohol addiction may be in a lot of physical, psychological and emotional turmoil that may be causing or contributing to their paranormal activity. In addition, because blacking-out is common among people who abuse alcohol, they may be doing things when under the influence that they don’t remember the next day that may be causing them or someone in their family to conclude that something paranormal is happening. For example, a client may report that when he goes to sleep at night all of the lights are turned off and doors closed. If his spouse is abusing alcohol it is possible that she is turning on lights and opening doors, but has no recollection of doing so when asked the next day.
These are sedatives that are prescribed to people for sleep problems and/or anxiety. However, they have a high potential for abuse and addiction because people can quickly build up a tolerance to them. If abused they can cause serious side effects, such as irritability, lucid dreams/nightmares, headaches, nausea, lethargy, and change in appetite. The most common types are Valium, Librium, Buspar, Clonapin and Halcion; these are known as benzodiazepines and are taken as pills, but can cause drowsiness, confusion, slurring of speech and memory problems. You’ll want to find out if clients are taking these sedatives, and if so, you may want to speak with whoever is prescribing them to ensure they are not being abused and causing side effects that could be mistaken for paranormal activity.
Barbiturates
These are prescribed for sleep disorders, and the most common types are Mephoobarbital (Mebaral) and Penobarbital (Nembutol). They are fairly highly addictive, and cause a feeling of calm when taken. When looking at these and sedatives, you want to also explore their history of sleep disorders, since sleeping problems themselves, whether medicated or not, can contribute to what they may be experiencing. You’ll also want to find out if they are supplementing with over-the-counter sleeping aids, which may be causing an adverse interaction.
These class of drugs increase physical activity and alertness.
Amphetamines
These are nicotine, diet pills, laxatives, steroids and diuretics and can be psychologically addictive because when people stop taking them they feel depressed, irritable and tired. So, you not only want to ask clients what they are currently taking, but if they have recently stopped taking any drugs/medications. Methamphetamine (crystal meth) is also in this category and is a drug that has a high potential for addiction. Long-term use can cause someone to develop psychosis including paranoia, hallucinations, delusions and mood disturbances (www.camh.net). It would be very important to know if a client has a history of using this type of drug.
Cocaine
Cocaine is highly addictive because it is short-acting and so people need to take it very often in order to continue experiencing its effects. When not taken or use is discontinued it will cause the same withdrawal symptoms as that of amphetamines.
ENTACTOGENS
These are most commonly found in MDMA (Ecstasy, Adam, Eve, STP, X) and is a mood-elevating drug that can also produce hallucinations. Another common type is 2 C-B (bromo, nexus, spectrum) and is also psychedelic in nature, producing feelings of being in touch with ones emotions, and being sensitive to sound and color. I think it’s obvious why it is important to know if clients are using these drugs, and if their reported paranormal experiences occurred while they were under the influence of these substances.
Heroin and morphine are the most common types of these drugs, and when taken can produce feelings of well-being and euphoria, but can also cause nausea, vomiting, slowed breathing and itching. Two other popular drugs are hydrochloride (Oxycontin) and hydrocodone bitartrate (Vicodin). These are two painkillers that are also highly addictive because the more you take, the better you feel.
The most common of these are LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide, also known as acid), PCP (phencyclidine or angel dust) and Psilocybin (magic mushrooms or shrooms). These drugs cause hallucinations and distortions of all five senses for a period of 6 to 12 hours. In addition, LSD users may experience flashbacks, which are repetitions of experiences while taking the drug, such as hallucinations. Again, it is obvious why you would want to know if the person has a history of taking any type of hallucinogenic drug.
In addition to these, you want to find out what prescription and over-the-counter drugs the client is taking, especially antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs since they tend to be more addictive than others. You’ll also want to do some research into the possible side effects of any medication the client is taking, as well as interaction effects if they are taking more than one. One way to do this is to have them sign a release form for you to speak with their physician. Another useful resource is http://www.drugs.com. This website is great way to look up information and side effects for prescription drugs, vitamins, herbs, etc. It also has a drug interaction checker to see if a combination of different drugs can cause certain side effects.
You should also consider asking if the client has a history of abusing inhalants, such as cleaning solvents, gases and nitrates that some sniff intentionally intentionally from common household products to get a “high” feeling. Engaging in this can cause neurological damage and cognitive impairment.
As previously mentioned, if they client does not report any drug or alcohol use, you can be on the lookout for signs in the home that will help you to determine if the paranormal activity may be a result of substance use or if you should recommend professional help in your recommendations. In particular, you can look for
– Drug paraphernalia
– The smell of alcohol on client’s breath during the investigation – you should tell the client before arriving that you do not allow drug or alcohol use during the investigation
– If they admit to a history of alcoholism/treatment beforehand, note if there are empty beer or liquor bottles or cans in the home
– Prescription medications that the client did not tell you about in your phone interview; especially antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications, which may give you some insight into the psychological state of the client
If you think a client may have a substance abuse problem, you should ask them further about their use and take this into consideration when looking at possible explanations for their paranormal activity. At the conclusion of your investigation, you can also recommend counseling or that they look into local self-help (i.e. Alcoholic Anonymous) meetings.
If you are interested in finding out more about substance use or abuse, you can check out the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website at http://www.samhsa.gov/, which has online resources, as well as an option to order FREE handouts, brochures and pamphlets to give to clients covering a range of topics.
Many of you may have seen the recent
First, there are different kinds of loss. When most people think of loss, they think of losing someone who has died, which can be the most significant and debilitating kind of loss and will be the focus of this entry. Other types include symbolic losses, such as losing a spouse or parent when a divorce occurs, or losing a job. I will dedicate a separate entry to symbolic loss in the future as it can also cause severe distress in one’s life.
Many people who lose a loved one can feel very alone in their grief and their friends and family may be worried about them, and wondering if they will be okay. Therefore, it is good to know that there are such things as normal grief reactions that most people experience following a loss. Emotions that are characteristic of normal grief include sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, loneliness, fatigue, helplessness, shock, yearning for the lost person, a feeling of freedom and/or relief (which can exacerbate the feelings of guilt) and numbness (Worden, 2002). Behaviors that are characteristic of normal grief reactions include changes in sleep and appetite, absentmindedness, social withdrawal, dreaming of the deceased, avoiding reminders of the deceased, searching and calling out for the deceased, sighing, feeling restless, being over-active, crying, and visiting places and/or carrying objects that remind you of the deceased (Worden, 2002). Any and all of these reactions are considered "normal" reactions to the loss of a loved one, and they usually will pass or be experienced to a lesser degree with time.
Probably the most well-known theory on coping with grief comes from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross who listed five stages of grief that she felt people go through: denial, bargaining, anger, sadness and acceptance (Walsh-Burke, 2006). Most feel that these stages can be meaningful as guidelines, but should not be viewed as a sequential process, as one can go through many of these stages simultaneously and can go back and forth between stages.
Worden (2002) lists four tasks that he feels should be completed during a healthy mourning process. These include accepting the loss, experiencing the pain of grief, adjusting to your environment without your loved one and memorializing your loved one. There are many things you can do to work through your grief in a healthy way and accomplish these tasks. The best thing you can do is talk about your loss and your grief. You can talk to a friend, family member or a professional. It is important that it be someone who will listen to you, comfort you, and not judge you. Specifically, you want to identify and talk about any of the above emotions or behaviors that you may be experiencing. You can also tell stories and show photos or other items that belonged to or remind you of him/her. Another helpful exercise is to write a letter to the person you lost, especially if you are experiencing guilt or have unfinished business with the person. You can also keep a journal of your feelings, write poetry, paint, draw, or express your grief in other artistic ways. Another great way to memorialize your loved one is to create a memory book by yourself or with other people who are grieving. You can include photos, memorabilia, stories, drawings, etc. (Worden, 2002). If you are religious, you may also find it helpful to speak with your clergy to talk about what death means in your religion, and to find reassurance in that way. It’s also important to remember that everyone grieves differently and the process is longer for some, so don’t let other people tell you that "you need to move on" or "it's time to let go". Although they may have good intentions, you need to allow yourself to feel the pain of your loss and work through it in your own way, in your own time.
From the paranormal perspective, many people report seeing their loved ones either right before, during or immediately following the time of death, either as a vision/ghost/spirit or in a dream where the person seems to be saying goodbye. Additionally, studies on this topic indicate that anywhere from 39% to 90% of people who have lost a loved one report some type of post-death contact with them, with experiences ranging from feeling their presence, to speaking to them, experiencing smells associated with them, and hearing voices and sounds associated with them (Klugman, 2006). Therefore, if you have had this type of experience, you are definitely not alone, and many paranormal investigators believe this to be the most common type of paranormal experience. Many believe this is their way of saying goodbye and that they are okay – how extraordinary! Even books on grief therapy list this as a normal grief reaction/experience; Worden (2002, pp. 16-17) says:
"Hallucinations of both the visual type and the auditory type are included in this list of
normal behaviors because hallucinations are a frequent experience of the bereaved. They are
usually transient illusory experiences, often occurring within a few weeks following the loss, and generally
do not portend a more difficult or complicated mourning experience. Although disconcerting to some,
many others find these experiences helpful. With all of the recent interest in mysticism and spirituality, it
is interesting to speculate whether these are really hallucinations or possibly some other kind of
metaphysical phenomena."
Good question!
Many people also report lucid dreams following the death, where they are interacting with the loved one. Unfortunately, in the case of "The Dark Man" the dreams that the client was having were of a scary nature; however, they are more often positive dreams that convey love, warmth, and comfort.
Most people report reaching a point where they have adapted to and made meaning of the loss and created a "new normal" for their lives. Of course, life will never be normal again, since someone significant to you is gone; however life can go on and you can be happy again while remembering your loved one in a fond way, feeling grateful for the time you had with them, and acknowledging their life in a positive way. Most people feel they have reached this point when they are able to feel happiness and joy when thinking of or reminiscing about their loved one, instead of only feeling pain and sadness; these feelings may never completely go away either, but will instead subside to a point where you can cope with them and accept them as part of your life and the experience of the loss.
Below I have listed some online resources where you can start if you would like to receive more help:
Website: Psychology Today: Find a Therapist
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php
Enter your zip code and what type of help you are looking for and this search engine will produce a list of therapists that includes the therapist’s picture, personal statement, contact information, specialties, education, credentials (including license number for verification), treatment orientation/approach to therapy (these are also links which, if clicked on, explain each type of therapy). All are verified by Psychology Today, which means that they verify their name and contact info, their professional license(s), and whether or not there are any restrictions on their license. You can specify that you'd like a therapist that specializes in grief and loss.
Provides comprehensive information on mental health, families and relationships, health and wellness, addictions, and coping with grief and loss and recognizing signs of depression.
National suicide hotline, as well as information on suicide
Lists phone numbers for suicide hotlines in each state
Klugman, C.M. (2006). Dead Men Talking: Evidence of Post-Death Contact and Continuing
Bonds. OMEGA, 53(3), 249-262.
Walsh-Burke, K. (2006). Grief and Loss: Theories and Skills for Helping Professionals.
Worden, J.W. (2002). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health
Practitioner. (3rd ed.).
When you have initial contact with new clients, they will likely be experiencing uneasiness, fear, anxiety, uncertainty and apprehension. Your ability to place them at immediate ease will help you to stand out as a professional investigator. Additionally, by doing so, a client will be able to communicate with you in a calm manner, and you will acquire more organized and useful information that is necessary to resolve the case.
People in the helping professions are taught the basics of relating to people and helping them to feel calm and comfortable. These techniques can be used by anyone, so this is my crash course to assist you, the paranormal investigator, in placing and keeping clients at ease throughout the process.
One vital practice involves having a "sustaining presence" when working with clients. In order to do this, you will need to actively convey the following attitudes and actions: warmth and caring, acceptance, consistency, genuineness, and validation (Murphy & Dillon, 2003).
Warmth and caring are important throughout your relationship with your clients, but especially at the beginning. You can display your genuine warmth and caring by smiling and shaking hands upon greeting them, maintaining eye contact and using appropriate facial expressions, and simply telling them that you care. You can start out the first interview by making small talk, discussing the weather, or noting similar interests you have with them. Talk about something neutral that makes them feel safe, comfortable and happy. This easy flow of conversation will create a solid foundation, from which you can then begin to inquire about their paranormal experiences, and they will feel more secure in revealing the details to you.
Acceptance of the client for who they are and where they are is also critical. This sounds easy, of course, until you come across a client who has far different beliefs, priorities, values or life experiences than you have. Acceptance is essentially being non-judgmental. This is not to say that you cannot make recommendations that will help their situation. For example, you may come across a client who you feel would benefit from having a clergy member bless their home. However, the client does not have strong religious beliefs and does not feel comfortable having their home blessed. You can communicate why you feel it could help and how it has helped other clients with similar situations in the past, but you should not pressure the client to take action on your recommendation if they feel uncomfortable doing so. You must accept them for who they are, and acknowledge their beliefs without being disparaging. You cannot force clients to do anything they don’t want to do, and attempting to do so will likely cause them to become uncomfortable and maybe even defensive, and you risk losing them as a client. You must also accept clients for where they are. Therapists talk a lot about meeting clients where they are. This means that we can only help insofar as they want help. For example, many times we find that couples having paranormal experiences report very strained relationships. It is completely appropriate to ask them if they are invested in staying together and working on their relationship, and if so, suggesting couples counseling or helping them to think of activities they can do together to reconnect. Especially since many feel that doing so will create more positive energy in the home, which can help resolve the paranormal situation. However, it is inappropriate to make these suggestions if they have already made the decision to separate/divorce. In this case, you must trust that they have made the right decision for them and are not interested in receiving additional help. You can help by supporting them with a non-judgmental attitude and showing that you accept them for where they are in their relationship and their decision-making process.
Consistency is key, because many people with paranormal experiences are living an erratic life of not knowing what to expect from one day to the next. Many times they are feeling "on edge", wondering what will happen next in their home. If you are able to consistently be relaxed and calm when interacting with them, this will give them the constancy that they need to emotionally and psychologically survive during this scary time. Speaking slowly and calmly during your interactions is especially important if clients are feeling anxious. By modeling this type of behavior, it will put them at ease, allowing for more productive conversation. Also, by showing that you are not scared by what they are telling you, they will feel less scared about what is happening to them.
Another valuable technique is to be genuine. Clients will react positively if they believe that you are being honest and open with them. However, when speaking with clients about their paranormal experiences, it is important that you be in control of yourself and try not to have strong verbal or physical reactions to what they are saying. If clients reveal something that provokes a strong reaction in you, try to withhold it and remain calm. For example, if a client tells you that he/she was physically assaulted by an unknown force, try not to say “What! That is so scary!” Instead, a more consoling response would be to nod your head with a facial expression that conveys your concern for their situation, wait until they finish speaking and then say “I’m sorry to hear you’ve been through such a terrible experience. That must have been really scary. You called the right people. We are here to help you.” If you are calm and in control, they will feel calm and in control. I’m not saying that you should not show emotion; showing emotion is definitely appropriate in order to convey your empathy. Mirroring the client’s mood and facial expressions is a great way to show you are listening and to build trust. For example, if a client laughs, laugh. If they are crying, show that you feel sad for them with your facial expressions, gestures and eye contact. If you cry, that is fine too, as long as doing so does not take the attention away from them and place it onto you. If they are talking about something that makes them happy, you can smile. It’s great to show emotion appropriately, but it can be detrimental to overreact and cause the client to become more scared than they already are. Always remember to stay calm and to remain in control of yourself and the situation.
"Validation occurs when we endorse and appreciate the realities of the client’s story" (Murphy & Dillon, 2003). Let clients know that you believe what they are going through is real. One way of doing this is to universalize their experience, which is to let them know that they are not alone in what is happening to them. You can vaguely refer to prior cases you’ve had that may be similar (without revealing client information of course). Because paranormal experiences are still somewhat stigmatized, clients often feel that no one can understand what they are going through. Letting them know that there are other people out there with similar experiences can be extremely reassuring to your clients.
In addition to having a sustaining presence, professional helpers also place emphasis on attending to clients, which means being there for them. Physically attending to clients means being there in a visible, obvious way, and is very important throughout the intake, investigation and follow-up processes. Gerard Egan (1994) created an acronym for students of psychology or counseling to remember with regard to physically attending to clients, SOLER, which stands for
Sit Squarely
Open Posture
Lean Forward
Eye Contact
Relax
By following these five guidelines, your posture will automatically communicate that you are listening and will put your client at ease. By sitting squarely, we mean to face the client squarely, not turned to one side or the other; open posture, meaning not crossing your arms or legs, and the others are self-explanatory. I also believe that removing physical barriers between you and the client during an interview can be helpful. Instead of sitting across the table from one another, sit in two chairs facing each other with nothing else in between. This can be symbolic in removing any psychological barriers as well.
Psychological attending involves putting aside your own worries and concerns and focusing on what the client is saying. Doing this requires discipline and effort, which is harder on some days than others; but in order to truly help, we must focus all of our attention on what the client is saying. Otherwise, we could miss a vital piece of information that could help resolve the case. If you are going through something significant in your own life on the day you are scheduled to do a client intake, it may be wise to reschedule to a day when you can fully psychologically attend.
Many of the above suggestions may seem very simple and obvious, but pay attention to your natural behavior the next time you are speaking with a client. It is very easy to talk to clients the way you would converse with a friend or someone close to you. Keep in mind, clients are not looking for a new friend – they are looking for professional help. Be sure to keep the conversation focused on them, not you, and remember that it is not always appropriate to express your personal opinions and beliefs, as you would with someone with whom you have a personal relationship. Realize that clients are often so desperate that they will cling to anything you say, believing it to be truth, so you must choose your words very carefully. I understand that this gets tricky in rural areas and small towns, where you may know clients personally before they even become clients. In these cases, use your best judgment and try to show your professional side when interacting with them about the case.
Please feel free to e-mail me at jlhcounselor@gmail.com with any other techniques that have worked for you or if you have questions about specific situations. I am always happy to hear from you.
References:
Egan, G. (1994). The skilled helper: A problem-management approach to helping (5th ed). Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole.
Murphy, B.C. & Dillon, C. (2003). Interviewing in Action: Relationship, Process, and Change. Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole.
Children’s paranormal experiences are often attributed to an overactive imagination, imaginary friends, attempts at getting attention or delaying bedtime, or residual fear from a movie, book, or television show. These explanations may be true in many cases; however, some researchers feel that children have a greater ability to see spirits because they have not yet learned to filter input they are receiving from their environment, and can therefore see and accept more of what is going on around them without questioning it. The two most common scenarios, which are discussed in this article, are 1) you notice your child interacting with something or someone who is not there, or 2) your child is telling you about something that is going on, such as seeing people, feeling scared in bed at night, or having an imaginary friend. So, how can you tell the difference between what is “normal” childhood imagination and what could possibly be something paranormal? And if it is paranormal, what do you do? I think that before calling a paranormal investigator or assuming it is paranormal, it is wise to do your own investigation to see what may be going on with your child.
First and foremost, regardless of whether there is something paranormal happening or not, you should always validate what your child tells you, and never disregard or minimize their experiences. This may lead them to conceal things from you now and later in life because they think that you won’t believe them or take them seriously. It can also make them feel frustrated and angry that you are not listening to them, which could cause them to act out in other ways. No matter how old your children are, you always want them to feel comfortable confiding in you and you should always encourage open communication. If you are encountering the first scenario – you notice your child is interacting with someone when there is no one there – you can initiate the conversation and ask detailed questions, examples of which are described later on in this article. Oftentimes, however, children will tell their parents what is going on, even if they can’t explain it very clearly. If your child is telling you that he sees or hears people, has a “friend” that you can’t see, or that he is scared of something in his room, then there is a reason that he is revealing this information to you, so try to figure out what that reason is. Think about what is going on in the child’s life recently – did you just add another child to the family, is someone else in the family getting more attention for some reason, did you or your partner/spouse recently start working more, is there an increased amount of tension or stress in the home? These are all things that would cause a child to create a scenario in order to gain attention, or simply an imaginary friend that he can rely on to be there for him. Does what your child is describing sound like a scenario in a movie, book, video game or television show he recently saw or read at home, daycare or school? Has she been to a sleepover where there were ghost stories being told? Try to find out what happened in the recent past before the reported experiences started to see if you can find a natural explanation. If the experiences happen at night, notice what she is reading or watching right before bedtime. Read the article titled “
Parents also need to remember that some fears, such as a fear of the dark or monsters in the closet or under the bed, are highly common childhood fears and are, in fact, indicative of a healthy imagination. If you are unable to find out why your child is afraid to be in his room at night and he cannot give you any specifics, it may be a general fear, or something “normal” that is occurring in the child’s life (such as a recent loss, traumatic event, stress, etc). However, this does not mean that it should not be taken seriously. Find out what you can do to alleviate this fear – it may mean allowing him to sleep with the lights on or getting a nightlight, or putting something in front of the closet door so he feels that nothing will come out to get him. Also, instill confidence and let him know that he CAN overcome his fears and other obstacles in life. These fears should eventually subside with time and age, but your child needs to sleep well and feel safe now, so do whatever you can, within reason, to help him feel safe. If you think that an underlying source of stress or trauma is causing this fear reaction, or if the fear is so persistent that it is affecting overall daily functioning, speak to your child’s pediatrician or school counselor to see what you can do to help.
So, after considering all these possibilities, you still think that it may be something paranormal, but you’re still not sure. What next? You can proceed by asking very detailed questions about the experience (e.g. when does it happen, what exactly occurs) or the interactions with the people or the “friend”, such as how old are they, what are they wearing and what color, what are their names, how often do they visit and when, what do they do together, who is in charge, do they ever move things, have they admitted being ghosts and if so, how did they die, etc. Remember that if this is something imaginary, your child will be inventing the answers in that moment (which children are good at), but it will still take some time and thought; whereas if it is a spirit, they should answer more quickly. Ask these questions often and take note of the consistency in their answers. Ask exactly what the friend/entity is saying - if it is simply an imaginary friend, which is essentially another part of your child, then it should sound very similar to the way your child communicates. If what is being communicated sounds very unlike your child, is developmentally inappropriate, or if he is talking about things he doesn’t know a lot about or using words and phrases he has never heard before, this may be indicative of a ghost or spirit. You can also try making requests to test its validity, like “can the person/friend tell me how many fingers I’m holding up behind my back” or “I’m going to go upstairs and pick up something – can you ask your friend to follow me and then come back and tell you what I picked up” or other questions to which only you could know the answer. Talk to other people in your child’s life – their teacher, babysitter, friends’ parents, extended relatives to see if your child talks about her experiences with them, and if it is consistent with what she tells you. Also keep in mind that very young children cannot always accurately express themselves verbally. Instead you can ask them to draw pictures of their friend or give them figures to play with and ask them to pretend to be playing with the friend and see how they play –what are the figures doing and saying to each other. Paying close attention to how they play can be very revealing of what is going on inside. Always keep in mind that you know your child best, and you know what typical and atypical behavior is for him or her. If your child ever starts behaving in uncharacteristic ways, explore where this new behavior is coming from.
If you are leaning towards the conclusion that it may be paranormal, you can take it a step further and start researching your house and your property. Talk to neighbors, realtors, previous residents, and other people in the community, and spend some time in the local library. Find out if anyone died in your home or on your property or if there were any historical events that could explain what your child may be experiencing. All of this information will be very useful, should you eventually decide to contact a paranormal investigator, and in the meantime it could provide you with some answers or confirmation of what is going on.
If you ultimately cannot find a natural explanation, it is possible that your child is having a paranormal experience, and she is trying to tell you about it. The first rule is to not overreact. Your child may not even be scared, since she may still be at the age where ghosts and spirits are accepted as reality, and she may think it’s no big deal. Children get their cues on how to react to things from their parents and other people they look up to – if you seem scared, they will think they should be scared too. On the other hand, your child may already be scared of what is happening. Again, you may not know if it is “normal” or paranormal. Either way, your child is trying to get your attention and help, and it is your responsibility as a parent to take that plea seriously, regardless of the source of the problem. If your child is scared, ask what you can do to make her feel safe. Children have a basic need to feel safe and secure, and they see their parents as the superheroes that will provide this for them. The best thing you can do is listen to them, ask them how they feel about what is happening, and let them know you are there for them no matter what. Respect your children as individuals and consider their opinions and suggestions. Follow-up daily and encourage them to tell you every time something happens and get details. Keep a log of their experiences and notice if there are any patterns in the occurrences. Again, this information will be invaluable, should you decide to call a paranormal investigator.
Always start by doing your own research, then call your pediatrician, a child psychologist or paranormal investigator if needed to assist you in resolving the situation. Please feel free to contact me with any comments or questions at jlhcounselor@gmail.com. I am always happy to hear from you.
]]>Generally, paranormal groups will do initial phone intakes to get the basic information about what is happening and then conduct more thorough interviews in person during the investigation. I recommend this approach for many reasons. One, you should do a screening of a client before entering their home for an investigation. A screening will allow you to find out if it is even worth your time and resources to proceed with an investigation. If a potential client calls and seems as though they are disoriented, extremely paranoid, under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or you cannot make sense of what they are saying, you may want to ask them to first consult with a medical or mental health professional. However, just because you decide not to immediately proceed with an investigation does not mean you cannot advise them on how to get the help they may need. I will discuss this more in a later entry. Secondly, a phone screening allows time for the client to become comfortable with you and for you to begin building trust and rapport. It’s also an opportunity to communicate your group’s policies and procedures, and to prepare them for what will happen during the investigation so that the client can be as prepared as possible. When doing a phone intake, I usually put the client on speakerphone, as long as I am alone, and let them know that I am going to be typing what they say so that I have an accurate record. Of course, ask for their permission to do this before proceeding.
So, while I do recommend speaking with a client at length over the phone, I would also recommend saving the official interview to conduct in person. If the investigation is at the home of a family, I would interview each family member and witness separately before speaking with them collaboratively, so that you can corroborate their individual stories to see if they are consistent. This also allows you to see how each family member perceives the problem, and how they are individually affected by what is happening (there are different interview techniques if there are children involved, and I will post a separate entry dedicated to this at a later time). I also think it is important for two different people to interview the client(s) in person: the first should be the investigator who did the phone intake, since that person already has a relationship with the client; the second interview will be for the purpose of validating and clarifying information. It can be a shorter interview, clarifying the main points, and can be at a later time in the investigation process. This will be a very helpful practice, since additional questions may arise during the investigation that you’ll want to address, and you also want to check the consistency of the client’s testimony. Another reason for doing an in-person intake is to read body language and nonverbal communication, which is equally important as listening to the actual words the client is saying. I will be writing an entry dedicated to reading body language in the very near future. On this note, when conducting in-person interviews, I have found that it is best to audio record the interview, with client permission of course, and only take brief written notes of things you want to touch on later in the interview and of nonverbal communication you are noticing. The reason for this is that if you are furiously taking notes, it does not communicate that you are listening and the client may become frustrated or even paranoid and uncomfortable about what you are writing down. It will also be frustrating for you because it is difficult to write and process what they are saying simultaneously. It is much more resourceful to audio record it, be attentive and responsive to the client, and type it up at a later time. It will also help to put the client at ease if you mention at the start of the interview that you will be taking brief notes.
When asking questions on your intake and getting information about their paranormal experiences, you want to keep the guidelines below in mind, on what are helpful and unhelpful behaviors when interviewing clients. Following these guidelines will allow your clients to trust you and feel more comfortable with you. The more comfortable they feel, the more they will share, and the better chance you have of resolving their case.
Helpful Behaviors
Verbal
Nonverbal
Unhelpful Behaviors
Verbal
Using words or jargon that the client does not understand: avoid paranormal jargon that they may not be familiar with, or explain it thoroughly if you do, and ask if they have any questions before moving on
Talking about yourself too much: it's okay to share personal paranormal experiences with the client, with the intent of universalizing their experience, but remember to keep the interview focused on them, and not to use it as an outlet to tell your story
Minimizing or disbelieving their experience
Nonverbal
Looking away from the client
Sitting far away or being turned away from the client
Sneering
Frowing
Scowling
Having a tight mouth
Shaking a pointed finger
Using distracting gestures
Yawning
Closing eyes
Using an unpleasant tone of voice
Speaking too slowly or too fast
Acting as though you are rushed
Adapted from Gladding, S.T. (2004). Counseling: A Comprehensive Profession (5th ed). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson
Another thing you want to remember when interviewing clients is to allow them to tell their story, and you should follow-up by asking general probing questions. However, you don’t want to ask questions which include possible answers; imagine if it were a test - it should be in essay format, not multiple-choice or true/false. For example, we know that it is important to get as much detail as possible about their paranormal experiences, and we also know that if they are not able to give details or give inconsistent details, then their testimony is somewhat questionable. However, the way in which you ask for details is important. It is better to ask very broad questions, such as “What did it look like?” “What color were its clothes?” “What exactly did it sound like?” As opposed to “What did it look like – a mist, a shadow?” “Was it wearing dark clothes?” or “Did it sound like a whisper?” Allow them to explain it as best they can without prompting them. If they seem to have trouble formulating an answer, be patient and allow yourself to be comfortable with the silence. If they say they don’t know, you can present some options at that point or later in the interview. This will also come up in a later entry on using your intake form, since the order in which you ask questions is important as well.
Just remember to be constantly aware of how you are communicating, verbally and nonverbally, to the client. This task can be overwhelming at first, but with practice will become second nature. Be sure to always communicate in ways that show your empathy, understanding, and concern and you will get much better results in the end. More importantly, you will have a greater chance of truly helping your clients AND making strides to understanding paranormal experiences.
As always, please feel free to contact me anytime at jlhcounselor@gmail.com
When you experience something new or strange that you don't understand, it is easy to jump to conclusions, one of which may be that you have something paranormal happening to you or in your home. However, just because it is a novel experience and may therefore seem scary, does not necessarily mean that your house is haunted. This article will help you to be your own investigator to see if you can find a natural explanation for what is happening. Even if you do eventually decide to contact a paranormal group, a good investigator should explore many of these items with you anyway, so you will be more prepared to answer their questions, and subsequently the investigation will proceed more smoothly and quickly. Something else that will be invaluable is a log of the paranormal activity, including the dates, times, and details of the experiences as well as if they coincide with any of the elements described in this entry. Below are some things to consider before labeling your experience as paranormal:
1. Your Sleep
Sleep Paralysis
Sleep paralysis occurs when you are falling asleep or waking out of sleep and you may feel as though you cannot physically move or that you are paralyzed. This happens because, during REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep, the deepest part of the sleep cycle, the body is essentially disconnected from the brain, so that we cannot act out our dreams ( e.g. get up and run if we are running in our dreams). However, sometimes we experience this sensation even when we are slightly awake, and it can be very scary. I have experienced it a few times, and so I know first-hand how disconcerting it can be. Sometimes, people even report feeling a pressure on their chest during an episode of sleep paralysis. The good news is that the "paralysis" usually wears off in a matter of a minute or two at most. However, if someone is unaware that sleep paralysis exists or has never experienced it before, it may be mistaken as something paranormal, such as a spirit or entity holding them down. It is also worth noting that sleep paralysis can be genetic and may run in families, so it is possible that you and your children/parents/siblings could all be experiencing sleep paralysis while living in the same home.
Hypnagogic and Hypnopompic States
These are sleep transition states that occur when falling asleep (hypnagogic) or coming out of sleep (hypnopompic). They occur when we continue to remain in dream state while waking up or falling asleep and one can therefore experience auditory, visual, or tactile hallucinations or the sensation of falling or feeling that a "presence" is near; they can also cause one to feel pressure on the chest or back or feeling like you can't breathe. These experiences could definitely lead someone to mistakenly believe that they are seeing, hearing or feeling a ghost or spirit. These states may occur simultaneously with sleep paralysis or on their own. It's just one more thing to investigate when considering your experience, especially if all or most of your experiences are right before you fall asleep or immediately upon waking up.
Night Terrors
Night terrors are distinctly different from nightmares, and typically occur in children aged three to twelve, with an average onset of 3 ½ years old; however they can sometimes continue into adulthood. According to http://www.nightterrors.com, night terrors are characterized by "sudden awakening from sleep, persistent fear or terror that occurs at night, screaming, sweating, confusion, rapid heart rate, inability to explain what happened, usually no recall of 'bad dreams' or nightmares, may have a vague sense of frightening images. Many people see spiders, snakes, animals or people in the room, are unable to fully awake, difficult to comfort, with no memory of the event on awakening the next day". In addition, http://www.webmd.com reports the typical night terror episode usually begins approximately ninety minutes after falling asleep. The child sits up in bed and screams,appearing awake but is confused, disoriented, and unresponsive to stimuli. Although the child seems to be awake, the child does not seem to be aware of the parents' presence and usually does not talk. The child may thrash around in bed and does not respond to comforting by the parents. "
As you can imagine, night terrors could easily be mistaken as a paranormal experience. If your child is experiencing something that sounds like what is described above, you can speak with your child's pediatrician. Unfortunately, there are currently no medications or cure for night terrors in children, and treatment primarily consists of educating the family of how to effectively and safely manage them until a child outgrows them. If night terrors do begin or persist into adulthood, an antidepressant medication may be helpful, so you should also see your doctor.
Alarm Clock Placement
If you are having lucid dreams or nightmares, look at how close you are sleeping to your electric alarm clock. If are sleeping with your head within two feet of your alarm clock at night, it is possible that something about the clock or something it is emitting is causing your lucid nightmares. Try moving it across the room and see if they stop. Unfortunately, you will actually have to get out of bed to turn off your alarm clock in the morning, but at least you will be well rested after a night of happy dreams.
2. Your Home Environment
Noise Frequencies
Low frequency sounds, such as those emitted by an air purifier or humidifier, a fan or air conditioner, or even power lines close to the home can cause feelings of drowsiness, disorientation, depression and overall odd feelings. Loyd Auerbach, a well-known parapsychologist, also reports that low-frequency sounds can cause people to feel dizzy or ill at ease, and can affect their emotions and vision, to the point of seeing shadowy figures in their periphery.
Therefore, if you are experiencing any of the above, do your own investigation of the inside and outside of your home to see if there are any low frequency sounds that may be unknowingly affecting you. If it is something inside your home that you can control, turn it off for a period of time and see if you notice a difference.
Heat and Air Quality
It seems as though a lot of paranormal experiences happen during the winter. Maybe this is because people spend more time in their home so they are more aware of things that are out of the ordinary, or maybe it is because it gets dark earlier and many paranormal experiences happen at night. Maybe someday we'll know the answer. However, for now, we know that extreme heat, especially heat generated from a heater or radiator, can affect a person mentally and physically, causing side effects such as headaches, dizziness, fatigue and nausea. It can also affect sleep, causing restlessness or strange dreams and nightmares. If you sleep or spend a lot of time in a room that is very hot, and this also happens to be the room where you are having paranormal experiences, turn down the heat and see if it makes a difference.
Air quality is another concern. If you live in an apartment or building where you have vents blowing air from somewhere else, you should check to see if something, such as a chemical odor, may be coming into your apartment. Certain chemicals can cause physical side effects, such as headaches and nausea, and psychological effects, such as hallucinations and even having a feeling of dread or depression. You should also check for mold or mildew, which can also cause odors that will make you feel sick. Additionally, if you do not have one already, buy a carbon monoxide detector. Carbon monoxide poisoning can also cause headaches, dizziness, nausea and fatigue, and it can potentially be fatal. So, stop reading this article and go buy a detector if you have these symptoms and do not have one in your home. Don't forget to come back and read the rest though!
3. Yourself
Medications
Anyone who watches television has seen numerous commercials for medications, where they show people feeling great and looking happy, only to be followed by what seems to be an endless list of possible negative side effects. Medications, both prescribed and over-the-counter, affect everyone differently, and combinations of medications can cause adverse reactions as well. Even herbal remedies and vitamins can cause side effects in some people. If you suddenly start having strange physical or emotional symptoms, consider what you are putting into your body. Talk to your doctor and do your own research online into your medications and remedies to see if they could be causing or contributing to your experiences. Note in your paranormal event log when you take your medications to see if it coincides with any of your experiences. If you continue to have