People in the helping professions are taught the basics of relating to people and helping them to feel calm and comfortable.  These techniques can be used by anyone, so this is my crash course to assist you, the paranormal investigator, in placing and keeping clients at ease throughout the process.

One vital practice involves having a "sustaining presence" when working with clients.  In order to do this, you will need to actively convey the following attitudes and actions:  warmth and caring, acceptance, consistency, genuineness, and validation (Murphy & Dillon, 2003).

Warmth and caring are important throughout your relationship with your clients, but especially at the beginning.  You can display your genuine warmth and caring by smiling and shaking hands upon greeting them, maintaining eye contact and using appropriate facial expressions, and simply telling them that you care.  You can start out the first interview by making small talk, discussing the weather, or noting similar interests you have with them.  Talk about something neutral that makes them feel safe, comfortable and happy.  This easy flow of conversation will create a solid foundation, from which you can then begin to inquire about their paranormal experiences, and they will feel more secure in revealing the details to you.

Acceptance of the client for who they are and where they are is also critical.  This sounds easy, of course, until you come across a client who has far different beliefs, priorities, values or life experiences than you have.  Acceptance is essentially being non-judgmental.  This is not to say that you cannot make recommendations that will help their situation.  For example, you may come across a client who you feel would benefit from having a clergy member bless their home.  However, the client does not have strong religious beliefs and does not feel comfortable having their home blessed.  You can communicate why you feel it could help and how it has helped other clients with similar situations in the past, but you should not pressure the client to take action on your recommendation if they feel uncomfortable doing so.  You must accept them for who they are, and acknowledge their beliefs without being disparaging.  You cannot force clients to do anything they don’t want to do, and attempting to do so will likely cause them to become uncomfortable and maybe even defensive, and you risk losing them as a client.  You must also accept clients for where they are.  Therapists talk a lot about meeting clients where they are.  This means that we can only help insofar as they want help.  For example, many times we find that couples having paranormal experiences report very strained relationships.  It is completely appropriate to ask them if they are invested in staying together and working on their relationship, and if so, suggesting couples counseling or helping them to think of activities they can do together to reconnect.  Especially since many feel that doing so will create more positive energy in the home, which can help resolve the paranormal situation.  However, it is inappropriate to make these suggestions if they have already made the decision to separate/divorce.  In this case, you must trust that they have made the right decision for them and are not interested in receiving additional help.  You can help by supporting them with a non-judgmental attitude and showing that you accept them for where they are in their relationship and their decision-making process. 

Consistency is key, because many people with paranormal experiences are living an erratic life of not knowing what to expect from one day to the next.  Many times they are feeling "on edge", wondering what will happen next in their home.  If you are able to consistently be relaxed and calm when interacting with them, this will give them the constancy that they need to emotionally and psychologically survive during this scary time.  Speaking slowly and calmly during your interactions is especially important if clients are feeling anxious.  By modeling this type of behavior, it will put them at ease, allowing for more productive conversation.  Also, by showing that you are not scared by what they are telling you, they will feel less scared about what is happening to them.

Another valuable technique is to be genuine.  Clients will react positively if they believe that you are being honest and open with them.  However, when speaking with clients about their paranormal experiences, it is important that you be in control of yourself and try not to have strong verbal or physical reactions to what they are saying.  If clients reveal something that provokes a strong reaction in you, try to withhold it and remain calm.  For example, if a client tells you that he/she was physically assaulted by an unknown force, try not to say “What!  That is so scary!”  Instead, a more consoling response would be to nod your head with a facial expression that conveys your concern for their situation, wait until they finish speaking and then say “I’m sorry to hear you’ve been through such a terrible experience.  That must have been really scary.  You called the right people.  We are here to help you.”  If you are calm and in control, they will feel calm and in control.  I’m not saying that you should not show emotion; showing emotion is definitely appropriate in order to convey your empathy.  Mirroring the client’s mood and facial expressions is a great way to show you are listening and to build trust.  For example, if a client laughs, laugh.  If they are crying, show that you feel sad for them with your facial expressions, gestures and eye contact.  If you cry, that is fine too, as long as doing so does not take the attention away from them and place it onto you.  If they are talking about something that makes them happy, you can smile.  It’s great to show emotion appropriately, but it can be detrimental to overreact and cause the client to become more scared than they already are.  Always remember to stay calm and to remain in control of yourself and the situation.

"Validation occurs when we endorse and appreciate the realities of the client’s story" (Murphy & Dillon, 2003).  Let clients know that you believe what they are going through is real.  One way of doing this is to universalize their experience, which is to let them know that they are not alone in what is happening to them.  You can vaguely refer to prior cases you’ve had that may be similar (without revealing client information of course).  Because paranormal experiences are still somewhat stigmatized, clients often feel that no one can understand what they are going through.  Letting them know that there are other people out there with similar experiences can be extremely reassuring to your clients.

In addition to having a sustaining presence, professional helpers also place emphasis on attending to clients, which means being there for them.  Physically attending to clients means being there in a visible, obvious way, and is very important throughout the intake, investigation and follow-up processes.  Gerard Egan (1994) created an acronym for students of psychology or counseling to remember with regard to physically attending to clients, SOLER, which stands for

Sit Squarely
Open Posture
Lean Forward
Eye Contact
Relax

By following these five guidelines, your posture will automatically communicate that you are listening and will put your client at ease.  By sitting squarely, we mean to face the client squarely, not turned to one side or the other; open posture, meaning not crossing your arms or legs, and the others are self-explanatory.  I also believe that removing physical barriers between you and the client during an interview can be helpful.  Instead of sitting across the table from one another, sit in two chairs facing each other with nothing else in between.  This can be symbolic in removing any psychological barriers as well.

Psychological attending involves putting aside your own worries and concerns and focusing on what the client is saying.  Doing this requires discipline and effort, which is harder on some days than others; but in order to truly help, we must focus all of our attention on what the client is saying.  Otherwise, we could miss a vital piece of information that could help resolve the case.  If you are going through something significant in your own life on the day you are scheduled to do a client intake, it may be wise to reschedule to a day when you can fully psychologically attend.

Many of the above suggestions may seem very simple and obvious, but pay attention to your natural behavior the next time you are speaking with a client.  It is very easy to talk to clients the way you would converse with a friend or someone close to you.  Keep in mind, clients are not looking for a new friend – they are looking for professional help.  Be sure to keep the conversation focused on them, not you, and remember that it is not always appropriate to express your personal opinions and beliefs, as you would with someone with whom you have a personal relationship.  Realize that clients are often so desperate that they will cling to anything you say, believing it to be truth, so you must choose your words very carefully.  I understand that this gets tricky in rural areas and small towns, where you may know clients personally before they even become clients.  In these cases, use your best judgment and try to show your professional side when interacting with them about the case.

Please feel free to e-mail me at jlhcounselor@gmail.com with any other techniques that have worked for you or if you have questions about specific situations.  I am always happy to hear from you.

References:

Egan, G. (1994).  The skilled helper:  A problem-management approach to helping (5th ed).  Pacific Grove, CA:  Brooks/Cole.

Murphy, B.C. & Dillon, C. (2003).  Interviewing in Action:  Relationship, Process, and Change.  Pacific Grove, CA:  Brooks/Cole.