For the Haunted: A Parent’s Guide - What to do if You Suspect Your Child is Having a Paranormal Experience
Children’s paranormal experiences are often attributed to an overactive imagination, imaginary friends, attempts at getting attention or delaying bedtime, or residual fear from a movie, book, or television show. These explanations may be true in many cases; however, some researchers feel that children have a greater ability to see spirits because they have not yet learned to filter input they are receiving from their environment, and can therefore see and accept more of what is going on around them without questioning it. The two most common scenarios, which are discussed in this article, are 1) you notice your child interacting with something or someone who is not there, or 2) your child is telling you about something that is going on, such as seeing people, feeling scared in bed at night, or having an imaginary friend. So, how can you tell the difference between what is “normal” childhood imagination and what could possibly be something paranormal? And if it is paranormal, what do you do? I think that before calling a paranormal investigator or assuming it is paranormal, it is wise to do your own investigation to see what may be going on with your child.
First and foremost, regardless of whether there is something paranormal happening or not, you should always validate what your child tells you, and never disregard or minimize their experiences. This may lead them to conceal things from you now and later in life because they think that you won’t believe them or take them seriously. It can also make them feel frustrated and angry that you are not listening to them, which could cause them to act out in other ways. No matter how old your children are, you always want them to feel comfortable confiding in you and you should always encourage open communication. If you are encountering the first scenario – you notice your child is interacting with someone when there is no one there – you can initiate the conversation and ask detailed questions, examples of which are described later on in this article. Oftentimes, however, children will tell their parents what is going on, even if they can’t explain it very clearly. If your child is telling you that he sees or hears people, has a “friend” that you can’t see, or that he is scared of something in his room, then there is a reason that he is revealing this information to you, so try to figure out what that reason is. Think about what is going on in the child’s life recently – did you just add another child to the family, is someone else in the family getting more attention for some reason, did you or your partner/spouse recently start working more, is there an increased amount of tension or stress in the home? These are all things that would cause a child to create a scenario in order to gain attention, or simply an imaginary friend that he can rely on to be there for him. Does what your child is describing sound like a scenario in a movie, book, video game or television show he recently saw or read at home, daycare or school? Has she been to a sleepover where there were ghost stories being told? Try to find out what happened in the recent past before the reported experiences started to see if you can find a natural explanation. If the experiences happen at night, notice what she is reading or watching right before bedtime. Read the article titled “
Parents also need to remember that some fears, such as a fear of the dark or monsters in the closet or under the bed, are highly common childhood fears and are, in fact, indicative of a healthy imagination. If you are unable to find out why your child is afraid to be in his room at night and he cannot give you any specifics, it may be a general fear, or something “normal” that is occurring in the child’s life (such as a recent loss, traumatic event, stress, etc). However, this does not mean that it should not be taken seriously. Find out what you can do to alleviate this fear – it may mean allowing him to sleep with the lights on or getting a nightlight, or putting something in front of the closet door so he feels that nothing will come out to get him. Also, instill confidence and let him know that he CAN overcome his fears and other obstacles in life. These fears should eventually subside with time and age, but your child needs to sleep well and feel safe now, so do whatever you can, within reason, to help him feel safe. If you think that an underlying source of stress or trauma is causing this fear reaction, or if the fear is so persistent that it is affecting overall daily functioning, speak to your child’s pediatrician or school counselor to see what you can do to help.
So, after considering all these possibilities, you still think that it may be something paranormal, but you’re still not sure. What next? You can proceed by asking very detailed questions about the experience (e.g. when does it happen, what exactly occurs) or the interactions with the people or the “friend”, such as how old are they, what are they wearing and what color, what are their names, how often do they visit and when, what do they do together, who is in charge, do they ever move things, have they admitted being ghosts and if so, how did they die, etc. Remember that if this is something imaginary, your child will be inventing the answers in that moment (which children are good at), but it will still take some time and thought; whereas if it is a spirit, they should answer more quickly. Ask these questions often and take note of the consistency in their answers. Ask exactly what the friend/entity is saying - if it is simply an imaginary friend, which is essentially another part of your child, then it should sound very similar to the way your child communicates. If what is being communicated sounds very unlike your child, is developmentally inappropriate, or if he is talking about things he doesn’t know a lot about or using words and phrases he has never heard before, this may be indicative of a ghost or spirit. You can also try making requests to test its validity, like “can the person/friend tell me how many fingers I’m holding up behind my back” or “I’m going to go upstairs and pick up something – can you ask your friend to follow me and then come back and tell you what I picked up” or other questions to which only you could know the answer. Talk to other people in your child’s life – their teacher, babysitter, friends’ parents, extended relatives to see if your child talks about her experiences with them, and if it is consistent with what she tells you. Also keep in mind that very young children cannot always accurately express themselves verbally. Instead you can ask them to draw pictures of their friend or give them figures to play with and ask them to pretend to be playing with the friend and see how they play –what are the figures doing and saying to each other. Paying close attention to how they play can be very revealing of what is going on inside. Always keep in mind that you know your child best, and you know what typical and atypical behavior is for him or her. If your child ever starts behaving in uncharacteristic ways, explore where this new behavior is coming from.
If you are leaning towards the conclusion that it may be paranormal, you can take it a step further and start researching your house and your property. Talk to neighbors, realtors, previous residents, and other people in the community, and spend some time in the local library. Find out if anyone died in your home or on your property or if there were any historical events that could explain what your child may be experiencing. All of this information will be very useful, should you eventually decide to contact a paranormal investigator, and in the meantime it could provide you with some answers or confirmation of what is going on.
If you ultimately cannot find a natural explanation, it is possible that your child is having a paranormal experience, and she is trying to tell you about it. The first rule is to not overreact. Your child may not even be scared, since she may still be at the age where ghosts and spirits are accepted as reality, and she may think it’s no big deal. Children get their cues on how to react to things from their parents and other people they look up to – if you seem scared, they will think they should be scared too. On the other hand, your child may already be scared of what is happening. Again, you may not know if it is “normal” or paranormal. Either way, your child is trying to get your attention and help, and it is your responsibility as a parent to take that plea seriously, regardless of the source of the problem. If your child is scared, ask what you can do to make her feel safe. Children have a basic need to feel safe and secure, and they see their parents as the superheroes that will provide this for them. The best thing you can do is listen to them, ask them how they feel about what is happening, and let them know you are there for them no matter what. Respect your children as individuals and consider their opinions and suggestions. Follow-up daily and encourage them to tell you every time something happens and get details. Keep a log of their experiences and notice if there are any patterns in the occurrences. Again, this information will be invaluable, should you decide to call a paranormal investigator.
Always start by doing your own research, then call your pediatrician, a child psychologist or paranormal investigator if needed to assist you in resolving the situation. Please feel free to contact me with any comments or questions at jlhcounselor@gmail.com. I am always happy to hear from you.
My 9 year-old daughter has started to talk about hearing a voice that sounds like her deceased great-grandmother. She died when my child was only 5. She says she hears her a school sometimes & it covers-up what the teacher is saying. She said she even asked a classmate of hers if she could hear the voice. We briefly discussed it with a new psychiatrist I have taken her to (my divorce to her father was finalized 6 months ago) I don't know if it is for extra attention. She is my only child & she already gets all my attention. I tried to play it off by asking her if she thought she was some kinda "Ghost Whisperer". She said no, it's not like that, it's just this one soft voice that sounds like GranderMa, she doesn't tell me to do anything. I myself have a very strong interest in the paranormal. Am I being harmful to her by letting her watch certain shows with me that may be inciting this behavior.
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It is nice to know that I have been doing things right with my kids and grandkids. I really needed to read all this. Thanks
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Thats somewhat helpful but what do you do like in our case where our boys are autistic and can't vocalize what they are experiencing or draw it either..Any suggestions with that?
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My daughter has always seen what she calls faeries from the time she was about 2 . She is now sixteen and still believes in their existance. She is now haveing serious sleeping problems and has actually said that the faeries were too busy for her to sleep.......... am I dealing with a "mental" problem or do you think the Faeries could be real? I will admit I have seen some strange things, such as lights (like tiny flashes of ususally blue light) And one time when I was very ill (flu) I turned over in my bed and for a second saw what I thought was a blue light in the form of a figure... put that off as being sick. Should I worry about my daughter? or do you think we really have faeries? I know small chldren see things we do not, but a 16yr old?? would love some feed back.
Thanks much!
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My son is 10-years-old and the oldest of two (my daughter is 4). Everything with him was normal until he was about 2, when we moved into a basement-level duplex. He started to have night terrors and come into our room at night. We often let him sleep with us, as he was terrified to return to his room. With cement walls and high windows, I figured it was the cold feeling of our home that caused his fear. When he was 4, we moved into a house. At that point, he was more vocal about his fears and told us that he saw men in black cloaks in his room at night who tried to tape his mouth & eyes shut. He even 'saw' them with the light on all night. I started letting him sleep with my father's rosary & it would end up completely underneathe his full-sized bed by morning. Often, he would appear in our room at night, glued to the ground in terror, foaming at the mouth. When he started to hear voices inside of his head in broad daylight, we took him to several professionals in the psychology/psychiatry field. We tried EMDR treatment, thinking it was PTSD from a car accident when he was 3. He was put in Seroquel. Nothing worked. Then, one day, he was hit by a car & broke his leg. Instantly, the visions stopped. We never heard another word about it until about three months ago when he broke his toe. No sooner did that happen then he started waking us up at night, talking about the ghosts he sees at night. I asked many questions & this is what he says: there are 3 that visit him regularly, all small men (dwarf-like) wearing "60's hats" who appear to be made of water. I asked why they are there. He says it's to thank him for helping them to find their way back to the cemetery. They were confused & mean when they first came to him, but he told them that they didn't belong in our home, so they went back to the cemetery. I asked if he thought they were his guardian angels. He said that his guardian angels are different - they are "ancestrial," which, according to his description, are old ancestors who died at war. He said that, occasionally, bad ghosts try to get into our house through his window. He describes them as being made of a black, cloud-like substance. He says that they have never made it in the house, though, because they are afraid of getting stuck between the two panes of glass in his window. He thinks he is psychic and freaked out the other night because numbers were popping up on his tv screen & he thought it was somebody trying to tell him something. This is getting exhausting. Being in our room doesn't help. Nothing does. I don't know if this is a mental thing or if he really is seeing things... any advice from experience would be much appreciated!
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